Let’s just admit that holiday shopping can be rough. There are insane crowds, relentless piped-in holiday music, elusive parking spaces, traffic jams, and the extreme likelihood of running into another shopper who is intensely grumpy and not afraid to share it.
As annoying as all that can be for shoppers, think of the store employees!
How about making life easier for everyone?
• Put your cell phone away, especially while making a purchase. Try smiling and talking directly to the sales associate. And refer back to our earlier post on using cell phones in public places. (And please, please put the cell phone down while cruising parking lots and busy streets.)
• Consider self-help, literally. Many stores have computer terminals for customer use, and using them to search for items in the building may save you time.
• Think of the children! Seriously, shopping can be extremely frustrating and tedious to children (at least when they complain or cry, they have the excuse of exhibiting completely developmentally appropriate behavior). Bring a toy, snack or book to occupy them. Even if your children are perfect angels, the store employees will be quite busy enough without babysitting them. Most of all, remember your top responsibility is attending to your children’s needs — even if that means leaving early and having to shop again another day.
• Exercise patience. You are one of many shoppers, and the store employee may be juggling a lot of different demands. If an employee is helping another shopper, refrain from yelling out a question or request for help.
• Be flexible. Sometimes, you won’t be able to find exactly what you want. While you naturally may be disappointed, loudly proclaiming that someone’s Christmas will now be ruined will not change anything. Also, this is a good time to step back and reevaluate what you want Christmas to mean to you and your family.
• Remember to thank those who help you.
Finally, if you or your friends are especially hard hit by the economy, take these tips on how to “mind your money manners.”
Monday, December 6, 2010
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Finding thanks (or something else)
Tomorrow’s the day. Many Americans are gathering with family and friends to celebrate their collective thanks over a gigantic meal. For some people, that prospect is not so easy, whether that’s due to strained family relationships, clashing personalities, or simply shyness.
You’ve probably read all the tips: avoid talking about religion, politics, or money. Have topics of conversation filed away that you can grab at awkward pauses. Keep people busy with activities. Don’t drink to excess.
But here’s another idea. This year, try compassion. Try empathy. Try love. If your Aunt Hilda drives you nuts, remember that she has problems, too.
If all else fails, listen to John and Yoko.
In 1979, John Lennon and Yoko Ono wrote an open letter published in the New York Times. “When somebody is angry with us, we draw a halo around his or her head in our minds,” they wrote. “Does the person stop being angry then? Well, we don't know! We know, though, that when we draw a halo around a person, suddenly the person starts to look like an angel to us. This helps us feel warm towards the person, reminds us that everyone has goodness inside, and that all people who come to us are angels in disguise, carrying messages and gifts to us from the Universe.”
Too hippyish for you? Maybe, but it’s a lot better than hiding in the hallway every time a certain relative rounds the corner.
There’s another part of that letter that could have been written today: “We are thankful every day for the plentifulness of our life. This is not a euphemism. We understand that we, the city, the country, the earth are facing very hard times, and there is panic in the air. Still the sun is shining and we are here together, and there is love between us, our city, the country, the earth.”
Here’s another little nugget from another musical icon: “What’s so funny ‘bout peace, love and understanding?”
Happy Thanksgiving!
You’ve probably read all the tips: avoid talking about religion, politics, or money. Have topics of conversation filed away that you can grab at awkward pauses. Keep people busy with activities. Don’t drink to excess.
But here’s another idea. This year, try compassion. Try empathy. Try love. If your Aunt Hilda drives you nuts, remember that she has problems, too.
If all else fails, listen to John and Yoko.
In 1979, John Lennon and Yoko Ono wrote an open letter published in the New York Times. “When somebody is angry with us, we draw a halo around his or her head in our minds,” they wrote. “Does the person stop being angry then? Well, we don't know! We know, though, that when we draw a halo around a person, suddenly the person starts to look like an angel to us. This helps us feel warm towards the person, reminds us that everyone has goodness inside, and that all people who come to us are angels in disguise, carrying messages and gifts to us from the Universe.”
Too hippyish for you? Maybe, but it’s a lot better than hiding in the hallway every time a certain relative rounds the corner.
There’s another part of that letter that could have been written today: “We are thankful every day for the plentifulness of our life. This is not a euphemism. We understand that we, the city, the country, the earth are facing very hard times, and there is panic in the air. Still the sun is shining and we are here together, and there is love between us, our city, the country, the earth.”
Here’s another little nugget from another musical icon: “What’s so funny ‘bout peace, love and understanding?”
Happy Thanksgiving!
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Set a place for children
It's the season for dinner parties. In the U.S., Thanksgiving is right around the corner, itself an occasion for families to gather and dine together. But then starts a whirlwind of yet more holiday dinner parties - requiring weeks of planning menus, deciding who to put where at the table, and bringing out the fine china (or, in some perfectly respectable cases, plates that match).
As children's etiquette consultants, we believe in including children in everyday demonstrations of good manners. This is the perfect opportunity to talk about place settings at the table.
Several years ago, The Washington Post offered very helpful diagrams of both informal and formal table settings.
But let's bring this to a useful level for children. Simplify the table setting to the plates and flatware your child will actually use (in our example below, we include a bread plate; you may choose to take that out). Older children can make this a fun craft project to brighten up the holiday table. With our guide, your child can draw his or her own placemat, which then can be laminated. Extra crafty types can whip up a cloth placemat, onto which children can draw with fabric markers. Ours was made with construction paper, markers, and crayon.
Happy eating!
As children's etiquette consultants, we believe in including children in everyday demonstrations of good manners. This is the perfect opportunity to talk about place settings at the table.
Several years ago, The Washington Post offered very helpful diagrams of both informal and formal table settings.
But let's bring this to a useful level for children. Simplify the table setting to the plates and flatware your child will actually use (in our example below, we include a bread plate; you may choose to take that out). Older children can make this a fun craft project to brighten up the holiday table. With our guide, your child can draw his or her own placemat, which then can be laminated. Extra crafty types can whip up a cloth placemat, onto which children can draw with fabric markers. Ours was made with construction paper, markers, and crayon.
Happy eating!
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Training week!
What is going on in this picture? And can you spot Spider-Man?
Last week reminded us that we are so lucky.
For one thing, we got to spend a lot of quality time with Northeast Georgia’s best and brightest children and teenagers. When we opened Perfectly Polished: The Etiquette School in 1985, we had 20 students, ages 10-13 years old. Now, with the help of high school and college staff members, we teach around 4,000 students a year in 12 area counties. They range in age from elementary to high school, and we have a blast together as we learn about etiquette and social dance.
Besides that, held training last week, meaning we got to certify other people how to do the exact same thing in their own hometowns as children’s etiquette consultants.
Angela Jordan traveled from Chattanooga, TN
Dawn Jumper visited from Lookout Mountain, TN
We established The Etiquette & Leadership Institute in 2005, when we acquired the Children’s Training Division of the Protocol School of Washington. We have since trained and certified 350 children’s etiquette consultants from all over the U.S. and 17 other countries. This session, we had a consultant from California who was trained by PSOW and is seeking re-certification, plus soon-to-be consultants from Georgia, Tennessee, and Spain.
Kari Reeves from Watkinsville, GA, and Angela Jordan
So, what did we do last week? In addition to our regular sessions, we took our trainees to the Ron Clark Academy in Atlanta to observe and help teach. We talked about conveying the importance of wearing professional attire to college students. We discovered the power of using props and activities when teaching children. And there’s so, so much more. Every time consultants leave our training, they are ready to teach etiquette and social dance. We even give them a business plan and teaching materials. They can hit the ground running, so to speak.
Carla Tyson came from Pleasanton, CA
Lizette Donnai came from Spain
A wonderful side benefit to training is the friendships we make and sustain long after training is over. Our next one is in April 2011. Interested? Let us know!
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Just treats, please
Do you live in October Country?
It’s a place where “the hills are fog and the rivers are mist…whose people are autumn people, thinking only autumn thoughts…whose people passing at night on the empty walks sound like rain…”
That lovely piece of writing is from Ray Bradbury’s “The October Country,” and it describes this time of year perfectly (though it’s a little more humid than foggy where we live). It’s also the time of year when little spooks ring our doorbells and ask for candy.
Halloween really is a little tricky. We spent a lot of time telling children not to accept candy from strangers, after all.
On the other hand, the holiday is a great opportunity to teach your children how to politely interact with others.
• Plan ahead. This year, Halloween falls on a Sunday, prompting some communities to switch Halloween activities to Oct. 30. Some neighborhoods also have established times for acceptable trick-or-treating. Regardless of your own thoughts on this subject, learn when your community will celebrate—it’s no fun to get dressed up, ring doorbells, and find out all the candy is gone.
• When meeting other trick-or-treaters on the sidewalk, say hello and step to the right to pass them. Avoid plowing down smaller children.
• If you’re collecting candy by car, close car doors softly and be alert when walking around moving vehicles.
• Avoid houses with no lights on—there won’t be any candy there, anyway.
• Encourage patience while waiting in line at a popular house. Ring the doorbell only once (try to restrain yourself from banging on the door, even if you are pining for sugar). When the door opens, say “Trick or Treat!” or “Happy Halloween”—but don’t shove your bag in the person’s face.
• If you’re given the bowl of candy to choose from, don’t hem and haw and pick your way through—just take a few pieces (not a handful) and be on your way. But first remember to say thank you!
• Leave behind a good impression, not candy wrappers on the lawn or trampled flowers in the garden. Similarly, admire holiday decorations, but don’t touch or play with them.
Happy Halloween!
Monday, October 18, 2010
Turn off your phone, please
“Turn off my phone?” you might think. “But I can’t! Are you nuts? I’m expecting a call from my mother/father/husband/wife/brother/sister/babysitter/boss/employee/mechanic…”
Obviously, there are times when you are indeed waiting for an important—perhaps life-changing—call. We aren’t suggesting that you turn off your phone during these emergencies.
But, let’s be honest. Do you really need to have your phone on at the dentist’s? At the grocery store? In the movie theater, for Pete’s sake?
Maybe you are thinking, “Yes, I do!” We gently suggest, “Actually, you probably don’t.”
In our technological age, we’ve grown accustomed to being constantly connected to nearly everyone we know. We are easily, instantly accessible ourselves. At this time in our lives, turning off your cell phone might feel like a violation of nature.
Here’s our suggestion. If you absolutely cannot turn off your phone, try turning off the ringer. (And then put your phone out of sight—a cell phone just looks strange on the table next to your dinner plate).
And when are those appropriate times to go phone-free? A good rule of thumb is, “Wherever you are unable to speak on the phone in private.” Think about it. Do you want to hear all the details on someone else’s messy breakup or latest office gossip while trying to use a store restroom or take public transit?
Let us help you!
When to turn your cell phone off…
In your professional life. Whether you are a full-time student, stay-at-home parent, working your first job or a seasoned professional, turn off your cell phone:
• During class
• While attending work or parent-teacher conferences
• During a job interview
• When on a work deadline
In your family life. Both family milestones and certain everyday moments might require you to unplug. Turn off your cell phone:
• In places of worship
• In hospitals (especially during a birth!)
• During court sessions
• At weddings
• While trying out a complicated new recipe, and later at the dinner table
• At funerals
At special events, social gatherings or classes. Both you and your fellow patrons will enjoy yourselves more if you turn off your cell phone:
• At movie theaters, plays, poetry readings, choral recitals, concerts
• In museums and libraries
• During dance, yoga or aerobics class
While out and about. Focus on your errands and turn off your cell phone:
• At the ATM, in checkout lines, or when approaching anyone in customer service
• In public bathrooms
• In bank and fast food drive-throughs, or at school pickup lines
• While pumping gas or taking public transportation
Where do you turn off your phone?
Obviously, there are times when you are indeed waiting for an important—perhaps life-changing—call. We aren’t suggesting that you turn off your phone during these emergencies.
But, let’s be honest. Do you really need to have your phone on at the dentist’s? At the grocery store? In the movie theater, for Pete’s sake?
Maybe you are thinking, “Yes, I do!” We gently suggest, “Actually, you probably don’t.”
In our technological age, we’ve grown accustomed to being constantly connected to nearly everyone we know. We are easily, instantly accessible ourselves. At this time in our lives, turning off your cell phone might feel like a violation of nature.
Here’s our suggestion. If you absolutely cannot turn off your phone, try turning off the ringer. (And then put your phone out of sight—a cell phone just looks strange on the table next to your dinner plate).
And when are those appropriate times to go phone-free? A good rule of thumb is, “Wherever you are unable to speak on the phone in private.” Think about it. Do you want to hear all the details on someone else’s messy breakup or latest office gossip while trying to use a store restroom or take public transit?
Let us help you!
When to turn your cell phone off…
In your professional life. Whether you are a full-time student, stay-at-home parent, working your first job or a seasoned professional, turn off your cell phone:
• During class
• While attending work or parent-teacher conferences
• During a job interview
• When on a work deadline
In your family life. Both family milestones and certain everyday moments might require you to unplug. Turn off your cell phone:
• In places of worship
• In hospitals (especially during a birth!)
• During court sessions
• At weddings
• While trying out a complicated new recipe, and later at the dinner table
• At funerals
At special events, social gatherings or classes. Both you and your fellow patrons will enjoy yourselves more if you turn off your cell phone:
• At movie theaters, plays, poetry readings, choral recitals, concerts
• In museums and libraries
• During dance, yoga or aerobics class
While out and about. Focus on your errands and turn off your cell phone:
• At the ATM, in checkout lines, or when approaching anyone in customer service
• In public bathrooms
• In bank and fast food drive-throughs, or at school pickup lines
• While pumping gas or taking public transportation
Where do you turn off your phone?
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Civility is the key to stop bullying
It’s inexcusable. It must stop. It’s time to act now to stop bullying.
October is National Bullying Prevention Month. According to the Pacer Center, bullied students are more likely to have higher rates of poor grades, low self-esteem and self-confidence, and depression and anxiety. There is a clear link between depression and suicide.
Let’s not forget the children who bully, who themselves need help. Research tells us that bullies are often feel as insecure, powerless and depressed as their victims.
It might sound overly simplistic, but the key to ending bullying is civility. Adults must model it themselves and teach it to our youth. A lot of people still think of etiquette as being something quaint, old-fashioned, best left to their grandparents’ generation. And yet, when it comes down to it, etiquette is simply about treating others with the kindness and respect we all deserve.
Rutgers University agrees. The school recently launched Project Civility, “a two-year, university-wide dialogue,” following the suicide of 18-year-old student Tyler Clementi, who was bullied for being gay. His death followed three other suicides of gay teenagers, all in the month of September alone—Billy Lucas, 15, in Indiana; Asher Brown, 13, in Texas; and Seth Walsh, also 13, in California. (Research shows that gay youth are four times more likely to commit suicide than their peers.)
Rutger’s Project Civility covers topics like bullying, hazing, and the influence of technology on civil behavior—but it also covers how to behave on a bus, good sportsmanship, and other manners you might assume most people already know. The truth is, the task of spreading civility and goodwill is more important now than ever. In fact, a recent University of Michigan study suggests that college students significantly lack empathy compared to previous generations. Data taken from 1979 to 2009 shows that today’s students have a 48% decrease in empathetic concern and a 34% decrease in perspective taking.
That’s terribly depressing news, but it’s also a call to action. We must make the notion of civility a priority, and we must start with our children.
October is National Bullying Prevention Month. According to the Pacer Center, bullied students are more likely to have higher rates of poor grades, low self-esteem and self-confidence, and depression and anxiety. There is a clear link between depression and suicide.
Let’s not forget the children who bully, who themselves need help. Research tells us that bullies are often feel as insecure, powerless and depressed as their victims.
It might sound overly simplistic, but the key to ending bullying is civility. Adults must model it themselves and teach it to our youth. A lot of people still think of etiquette as being something quaint, old-fashioned, best left to their grandparents’ generation. And yet, when it comes down to it, etiquette is simply about treating others with the kindness and respect we all deserve.
Rutgers University agrees. The school recently launched Project Civility, “a two-year, university-wide dialogue,” following the suicide of 18-year-old student Tyler Clementi, who was bullied for being gay. His death followed three other suicides of gay teenagers, all in the month of September alone—Billy Lucas, 15, in Indiana; Asher Brown, 13, in Texas; and Seth Walsh, also 13, in California. (Research shows that gay youth are four times more likely to commit suicide than their peers.)
Rutger’s Project Civility covers topics like bullying, hazing, and the influence of technology on civil behavior—but it also covers how to behave on a bus, good sportsmanship, and other manners you might assume most people already know. The truth is, the task of spreading civility and goodwill is more important now than ever. In fact, a recent University of Michigan study suggests that college students significantly lack empathy compared to previous generations. Data taken from 1979 to 2009 shows that today’s students have a 48% decrease in empathetic concern and a 34% decrease in perspective taking.
That’s terribly depressing news, but it’s also a call to action. We must make the notion of civility a priority, and we must start with our children.
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