One for the gents, from K. Cooper Ray!

Perhaps you've read about K. Cooper Ray - author of the popular blog Social Primer and the book "Bill of Rites for the American Man" - in GQ, The Wall Street Journal, The New York Times, or Vanity Fair.

Now you can read about him on Perfectly Polished, thanks to our friend Chelsea Hanson who recently interviewed K. Cooper Ray about dating tips for men.

K. Cooper Ray and Chelsea Hanson

Thanks, K. Cooper Ray!


CH: What is the essential grooming a young man MUST undertake before walking out the door to his date?
KCR: Shower. Shave, comb your hair, brush your teeth, check your fingernails.

If the fellow has allowed enough time to get ready for the date and isn’t rushing around, what are some extra grooming activities?
Make sure there isn't any shaving cream in the crook of your ears. Moisturize your face with a little light lotion, put a little product in your hair, very little. Have a stiff drink so you're relaxed and easy going.

What are your thoughts on fragrance for men on a date: forego completely to be safe (and just smell clean), or is there a certain scent that is universally well-received...any tips on how to apply it without overdoing it?
I like a little scent. It sets a man apart. Brooks Brothers makes a couple of classic scents. Personally, I like their New York Gentleman. It's clean and manly and never overbearing. I also like Marc Jacobs...The trick to cologne is to keep it light. Spritz a little in the air and walk through it. That should do the trick.

Any tips on how to be demonstrably chivalrous in a genuine, not-fakey-feeling way while on the date?
Good manners, if practiced, should appear effortless and natural. Walk to her door to fetch her. Open her car door every time you get out or into the car. Hold her chair and slide it under her at dinner. Stand each time she stands, coming and going. Ask her questions and then listen and respond. Walk her to the door at the end of the night. The kiss, well, that's up to you, but feel the moment. You'll know if she's receptive. And ladies, watch for these things. This is the judge of a man's character. Of course, never discuss any of this. That would be tacky. If he fails, you'll know soon enough whether there is a second date.

Would you suggest a best way to dress for different dates - a casual date, or a sporting event, or a more formal dinner, or going out for drinks?
Oy. This is broad and open to much interpretation, so just stick with the uniform. Navy blazer, white button down, khakis or cords, and loafers or bucks. Never tennis shoes, sneakers, Tevas or flip flops. If it's more casual, drop the blazer, but why? This is still casual and you will always look sharp.

What are some of the easiest dating tips that girls appreciate the most?
Respect. And it comes in many forms. Your attitude, your conversation, your manners, and your dress.

What's the most appropriate way to end a date when the evening may not be over - should you invite her along with your friends or part ways?
A man does not end a date, the lady does. She is his responsibility for the evening. A man does not make any notion or motion that he is ready to end the date. Ever. If he plans on inviting her along with his friends, this should be made crystal clear before they are out on the town. This should be included in the plans for the evening.

More vintage Valentine's advice

We had so much fun time traveling to 1959 that we thought we’d do it again.

Valentine’s Day is right around the corner, and for the most up-to-date etiquette advice on the holiday, we decided to turn to…1961.

The Feb. 14, 1961 edition of the Rock Hill (S.C.) Herald has two articles well worth a look.

The first article—headlined “Will you be my Valentine? Yes, but don’t soil the wallpaper”—notes that at the time, a whopping 255 million Valentine cards would be mailed that year. That apparently begs the question, “Will she truly be your Valentine? Will he love you ever?”

Good news—the answer, writer Ward Cannel said, is yes, as long as you follow a few rules, including the following: “A gentleman does not lean his head against the wall as it might soil the paper;” “A lady does not strike a gentleman with her fan or handkerchief;” “Do not pick the teeth, scratch the head, blow the nose or clean the nails in public.” (Read the article for the full list of advice!)

Just below that article is a true gem from AP wrtier Hal Boyle: “Man’s plea: Let’s reverse Valentine’s Day racket,” reads the headline.



“Ladies, for years you have sandbagged your boyfriends on St. Valentine’s day,” he writes, then offers some tongue-in-cheek (we hope) tips on how to please your fella.

“He’ll think you’re real dreamy if you gift him with a pair of diamond-studded gold cufflinks,” he writes. “Later if necessary, you can get him to hock them to take you on your honeymoon.”

And if a down payment on a sports car, a shopping spree at a sporting goods tore or a steak dinner doesn’t work out, “you can always hand him a new billfold full of folding money,” writes Boyle. “Money is always appropriate. Men never have too much of it.”

Here’s to a slightly more romantic Valentine’s this year!

Welcome the Belle of the Ball!

We are pleased to feature a guest post from Chelsea Hanson!

Belle of the Ball is a new featured column we will be running in coordination with Chelsea at Southern Gent Gifts. Be sure to check them out for great gift ideas for yourself or someone special.


Belle of the Ball presents: 5 Ways to Impress a Lady on the First Date


So often I hear men say that they’ve been on hundreds of first dates, but very few second dates. It’s no mystery that a first date can be a nerve-wracking experience. It is also very easy to make a mistake. But fear not gentlemen, with these five easy steps you will be on your way to a second date in no time.



First and foremost, CALL AND HAVE A PLAN.

I understand that it is so much easier to text, “Let’s hang out Wednesday,” BUT that gives a girl no direction. When you make the decision that you would like to spend time with us here are a few KEY things that should be remembered.

• CALL - pick up the phone and call the lady you are interested in seeing; this is a small gesture that we all appreciate. A call can be intimidating for some, but if you don’t have the guts to call her, how do you plan to sit through an entire date’s worth of conversation? Always call!

• DATE AND TIME - Let the girl know a date and time of the actual date. This is key for many aspects, from attire to scheduling. She needs to know if you’re going out at night, if it’s a casual dinner or if you’re going to the symphony. Planning is important. A first date is not the best time for spontaneity.

• RESERVATIONS - If possible make reservations. Do not show up with no plan in mind. We want to spend time with you, so make life easier by planning ahead with reservations. A woman is impressed when you can walk in, simply say your name, and are led to a table for two.

Second, DON’T FORGET SIMPLE GESTURES.

Pick the lady up at her place and come to the door. Do not wait in your car. If we are running late don’t worry—remember, we are trying to impress you and have taken the time to do so. Three simple gestures that you can make that will go a long way are:

• Open the car door.

• Open the door at the restaurant.

• Pull out her chair.



These simple things may not seem like much, but growing up, most of us have seen our dads perform these simple gestures daily with our mothers. Old school, classic, and shows respect.

Third, KEEP THE CONVERSATION ON A POSITIVE NOTE.

You may be having tons of problems. You may HATE your job, be failing a class, fighting with your parents, arguing with your roommate, feeling broke, thinking your ex is evil, or all of the above. And yes, we are willing to listen, but we agreed to a DATE. We agreed to spend time with you because we want to get to know you. We do not want to be your psychiatrist, especially when trying to have a good time. If you can’t think of anything to say, or are having an off day, or even really want to impress us, ask questions! The easiest way to strike up a conversation with anyone, especially a woman on the first date, is to ask her questions. But be careful to keep the questions grounded a bit. Don’t ask her if she plans to have kids or when she wants to get married. Save those for date 197, not date number 1.

Fourth, CASUALLY PAY WITHOUT US NOTICING.

There is nothing more awkward than the check sitting on the table between us staring us in the face. Even if you are going to pay and planning on it, at that moment we are debating whether we should offer or if we even brought cash or cards. Before the check arrives, slip off to the bathroom or to the bar for after-dinner drinks, grab the waiter or a hostess, slip her your credit card and pay the bill. That way when the check comes back, it is already taken care of and awkward moment avoided.

Fifth and FINALLY, FINISH THE DATE.

Even if you plan on going out after, make sure to close the date. Take us home, tell us you had a great time. It’s always difficult to know what to do after dinner, whether you take her out with your friends or go grab after-dinner drinks. Even so, make sure that we get home okay. MOST importantly - call the next day and tell us thank you. If you don’t see a future, a simple text is fine. Just remember to end on a good note because even if nothing happens in the future, it is better to be known as a gentleman than a jerk. Girls talk, it will get around that you were not courteous and respectful.



Follow these five simple rules and you will be will on your way to a second date. What you do from there is up to you. Remember, always be a gentleman and keep it classy. - cHc



About Chelsea Hanson: Chelsea is currently finishing her undergraduate degree in advertising at the University of Georgia. She is a 22-year-old native of Houston, Texas, with a flair for event planning. She has worked in events at the Houston Museum of Fine Arts, as well as Epting Events in Athens, Georgia. Her favorite pastime, though, is writing. Southern Gent Gifts is her personal blog that features different gift ideas for the men in everyone's lives.

News Flash: Cupid Prescribes!

Etiquette changes with the times. Nowhere is this more evident than in archival material.

Valentine’s Day on the brain? For some charming, if slightly outdated, advice, why not take a quick travel in time…to 1959?

Feb. 8, 1959, to be precise— as captured in an article published that day in The Lakeland (Fla.) Ledger, written by a mysterious figure only known as “Nan.”

The headline?

“Cupid Prescribes…HOW TO BE QUEEN OF HEARTS…Valentine Etiquette.”

So—what does Nan have to say? For one thing, how to handle an unwanted gift.

“…If his gift in remembrance of the romantic day is lacking in imaginativeness, a real Queen of Hearts will still accept it with an enthusiastic show of genuine pleasure,” writes Nan. “After all, that box of chocolates or bouquet of flowers may have cost him a week’s lunch money.”

That’s not bad advice, actually. When opening a present, no matter the contents, you only need say two words: “Thank you.” (With as much enthusiasm as you can muster.)

Nan goes on to extol the virtues of a lady’s “daintiness.” If the Valentine’s gift is a box of chocolates (which “milady must open…as soon as she receives it”), one should first offer some chocolate to the giver, then “daintily choose a piece for herself.” No foraging in the box for favorite pieces or complaining about the chocolate itself—“The whole situation calls for a bit of feminine restraint,” Nan writes. “Don’t tear into the wrappings as if starved for sweets.”

If the gift is flowers, “the recipient should pin it upon her dress immediately,” says Nan. Corsages are “almost certain to contain something red, so bear this in mind when deciding what to wear.”

What if the lady wants to give a fellow a gift? Nan advises to “keep the token small and inexpensive….some home-made cookies or fudge, prettily packaged, are sure to please a man.”

Home-made cookies or fudge would please most people, probably.

Next week’s blog will be full of more Valentine’s goodness…just a little bit more modern.