Holding Your Breath #4

A friend of ours admits that using heightened manners around her preschool-aged daughter sometimes feels a little strange.

It's not that she and her husband are usually rude to each other — although she jokes that, if alone, she’d be much more likely to tell him "Move!" than the measured "Excuse me," she uses around their child. Our friend makes an effort to model good behavior, always saying "please" and "thank you," and they tell their daughter that they're proud of her when she behaves well.

"It's the parents' job to teach their child how to be kind toward others and good manners are a part of that," she says.

All that hard work paid off on a recent trip to the library.

Our friend's daughter was playing with a toy there; an older boy bossily told her that she couldn't play with it (which wasn't true). Our friend stayed out of it, watching to see what would happen.

"Instead of yelling at him or being rude, she said, 'But I’m playing with it,' in a very calm voice," says our friend. After this exchange happened several times, with the child only repeating calmly that she was playing with it, the older boy "just look confused — I guess because she didn't yell or get mad," says our friend.

"I think teaching good manners is very important," she adds. "I feel by teaching manners you are preparing your child for life."

Sometimes, when you hold your breath, you are pleasantly surprised.

Holding Your Breath #3

A friend of ours has a very extroverted four-year-old who loves talking to people, even complete strangers.

“If you are in a store and mention that you can’t find something, he is suddenly on a crusade to ask everyone who looks like they might remotely work in that store if they can help you find said item,” says our friend. “He typically leads off with, ‘Excuse me, ma’am.’”

That’s great, isn’t it? A sweet, friendly, polite young child. Except there is a catch.

Some of the ma’ams are sirs.

That’s right—everyone, regardless of gender, gets the “ma’am” treatment.

“The group that generally takes the most offense are the teenage boys who work at the local grocery store,” she says. “I often wonder if this has to do with the fact they don’t really want to work at the grocery store.”

Luckily, most of the men don’t seem to mind. Our friend stays low-key about it, giving the sirs in question “my ‘sorry’ smile” and gently reminds her son that boys and men are, in fact, called “sir.”

That’s the way to do it—making an embarrassment a teachable moment, not a big deal.

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Holding Your Breath #2

Have you ever watched a child open a present with baited breath? We have.

Very young children, as you likely know, say what’s on their minds. (Some adults do, too, but hopefully they have more of a brain filter.) But when we’re talking the pre-school set, there’s a 50-50 chance that the unwrapped present will be met with squeals of joy or complete rejection.

A friend of ours tells how her 3-year-old daughter begged for a Pillow Pet - a combination pillow/stuffed animal that is huge right now - last Christmas. She got her ladybug Pillow Pet from her grandmother. Happiness all around.

Cut to a week after Christmas, when a visiting family member gave the child yet another Pillow Pet (a dog one, this time).

Oops.

“Her reaction was nothing less than embarrassing,” the mom remembers.

The child looked at the gift, declared, “I already have one,” began crying, yelled, “I don’t want it!” and then stormed out of the room.

“I wish she had just said thanks and left it at that,” says the mom.

You can instruct a child to say “thank you” until you’re blue in the face, but that doesn’t mean it always happens! Continue to guide them and it will sink in...and one day, you really will be able to look back and laugh about the Pillow Pet.

Have a Holding Your Breath moment to share? Contact us on Twitter, Facebook or e-mail us to send in your stories!

Holding Your Breath #1

Welcome to Holding Your Breath installment #1! Please don’t really hold your breath — we’re just referring to those moments when adults (especially parents) anxiously watch as children navigate their world, trying to figure out how to treat others.

Sometimes, children surprise us with a burst of nearly unrecognizable good manners. Sometimes, they make us inwardly cringe as they push or shove on the playground or bawl when opening an unwanted present. Sometimes, we have to leave the room so they don’t catch us laughing.

Our first Holding Your Breath comes from a friend of ours, who shares this hilarious story about a little boy she knows.

A few years ago, the child — then 7 years old and described as having “enough energy for four kids” — was at a dinner part with his family. All who knew him actually held their breath when he entered the room, filled with formally-set tables and antiques on display.

No one expected that the child would sneak into the bathroom, soak his hair in the sink and plaster it flat and back (“like a soggy little reject from an old movie,” writes our friend), and return to theatrically offer to pull out a chair and help seat an elderly woman.

He did this for every woman at the table, and later actually bowed while inviting people to dance.

Apparently, his father had been showing him old movies, and the child had deemed these dashing, chivalrous male film stars of yesteryear as “cool.” (Or, “coooooooool,” as he said, we are told.)

It’s a good reminder that children are little sponges (literally, in the case of this sopping-wet-headed child)—they soak up the information we give them. Even the most spirited can internalize good manners, so parents, keep leading by example and have a lot of patience!

Have a Holding Your Breath moment to share? Contact us via Twitter, Facebook, or e-mail us to send in your stories!