What Do I Do...Ms./Mrs./Miss Edition with Dawn Jumper

If you ever find yourself worrying about the etiquette "what ifs"—we're here for you. After discussing ripped pants, too-hot foods, forgetting someone's name mid-introduction, and Facebook drama...let's talk about how to address women by last name in a formal setting.

And we're getting some extra help to answer the "Ms., Miss, or Mrs." question. Thank you, Dawn Jumper, etiquette consultant of Chattanooga-based The Etiquette Company!

Now, onto....

WHAT DO I DO...if I'm not sure whether to call someone Ms., Mrs. or Miss?

Dawn Jumper says:

The answer is: it depends.

If you are referring to a young unmarried woman then Miss is acceptable. The challenge is how to define "young," because as those of us over 30 know, "young" is a relative term! I use the rule of thumb of college age and below for the use of Miss.

If you are addressing a woman who you know is married and has taken her husband's last name, it is acceptable to use Mrs.  Mrs. tends to be used more often in social settings.

You often do not know which last name (her husband's or her maiden) a woman is using , so play it safe and use Ms. Over time as you do get to know her, you will learn how she prefers to be addressed and you can adjust accordingly.

If a woman has kept her maiden name, only address her by Ms.

You may also use Ms. for a married woman who uses her husband's last name.

Ms. is always acceptable in business settings regardless of age and martial status. Wondering how to pronounce Ms.? It rhymes with "quiz".

The take away:

• Ms. is always an acceptable option.
• Miss can be a useful designation for a young unmarried lady.
• Mrs. should only be used if you know the woman is married and has taken her husband's last name.

Thanks, Dawn!

What Do I Do...Online Drama Edition

If you get stressed out over all the etiquette “What Ifs” in life—well, do we ever have help for you, even if you’re online!

WHAT DO I DO….if Facebook gets inflammatory?

Facebook can be a hotbed of lively discussion…but let’s be frank, it can also be a hot mess, especially when “friends” start acting less than friendly.

What do you do if someone leaves an insensitive or downright rude comment on a post, or posts something that really pushes your buttons? There is really only one thing to do: ignore it. As hard as it may be, resist the urge to respond. You can apply this rule of thumb to politics, religion, controversy in general, or any personal comments about someone’s looks—unless it’s complimentary, of course!

If you feel very strongly that the inflammatory comments must be addressed, do so by personal message only—not by leaving a comment others will see. You’ll be grateful later that you didn’t lose your temper in public! Like it or not, your social media presence becomes your “personal brand”—how others see you. Take the high road!

Stay tuned for our next What If!

What Do I Do...Forgetting Names Edition

We all have those “What If” moments—like, what if I split my pants? What if I take a bite of too-hot food in public? Or…

WHAT DO I DO…if I blank on someone’s name, mid-introduction?

“Hello, I’d like to introduce to you…” Who, exactly? Oh no, you’ve forgotten the other person’s name!

This happens to everyone, and the solution is simple: Smile and say, “Your name has escaped me.” Then the other person should pick up the introduction and run with it. If they miss the hint, say again that you’ve forgotten the name—just do it with a smile.

It’s far better to admit that you’ve blanked rather than not make the introduction. Make the introduction as best you can! The more you practice making introductions—even with people whose names you’ve forgotten—the better you’ll get at it.

Stay tuned for our next What If!

What Do I Do...Hot Food Edition

Welcome back to yet another installment in which we explore those worrisome "What Ifs"...safely, of course. 

Last time we talked about splitting your pants in public (yes, really!) This time...

WHAT DO I DO…if I bite into too-hot food in public?

Surprise! The food on your plate, now in your mouth, is way more hot or spicy than you anticipated. Your natural instinct is to spit it out, and we understand—you have to act fast—but we recommend another path!

If you can, quickly take a swallow of water or another cool drink. If there is no beverage and your mouth is on fire, quickly take the food out of your mouth, using you fingers, and place the offending food on the edge of your plate. You can do all of this subtly—the trick is to not call attention to your dilemma. And do not put the hot food in the napkin—it’ll ruin the napkin beyond use and you want that to remain usable throughout the meal.

Stay tuned for our next What If!

What Happens When My Pants Rip (No, Really!)?

We all have panicked emergency moments in public…in which something unthinkable but not impossible happens…those extreme, desperate moments that have you scrambling for your next move…The “What if THIS happens?” moments.

We’re here to help! We’ll launch our first installment with a bang…

WHAT DO I DO…if I split my pants in public?

This really does happen! We have personal knowledge of accompanying a supervisor around very closely to shield unraveling stitches in the seat. Awkward, yes—but better than others noticing. If your pants split and you are lucky enough to get someone to “have your back,” go for it!

If you don’t have that option, cover the rip best you can with a purse, bookbag, backpack, or other bag.

Of course you want to solve this problem as quickly as possible, but sometimes you can’t get home right away. We say: confidently ask for help. More often than you think, clerks, sales associates, waitresses or others working around you carry a sewing kit. You can say: “I need to borrow a sewing kit; do you have one?” You don’t have to say why you need the kit. Good customer service people will understand and help.

Also—might be a good idea to carry a small sewing kit yourself!

Stay tuned for our next What If!

It all started with Versailles

Etiquette has always been flexible, even from the very start. Take Versailles, for example.

When aristocrats trampled through the gardens of Versailles, the French Court of Louis XIV used etiquette - literally, little signs - to remind them to stay off the grass. When dukes and duchesses ignored these signs, the king decreed that no one go beyond the bounds of etiquette, thus giving another meaning to the word: rules to be followed. So, a word that started off meaning a label or tag became a word synonymous with prescribed behavior.

Etiquette changes with the times. It has to adapt to still be meaningful to new generations, after all. A recent visit to Versailles reminded us of how this is true. Take place settings, for example.

Behold, the splendor of tables past!

Take a closer look at the fork and spoon. That placement is very much a French presentation, not often seen in the U.S., that highlights the beautiful design work on the back of the utensils. See?

Now, fast-forward to today...this was our place setting at the Versailles gift shop lunch counter.

Quite a difference, but still completely serviceable, and it's a solid reminder of how etiquette can — and should — change with the times.

Save your brain from cell phone distraction!

We saw this sign in a doctor's office very recently, and it's certainly not the only time we've seen such a reminder.

We all have some story about the random stranger inappropriately broadcasting his or her personal business via a loud cell phone call. 

There's also research that shows that the ill-timed phone call is truly irritating.

A recent study from the University of San Diego says that overhearing a one-sided cell phone conversation is more distracting than the background noise of a two-sided, in-person conversation. In 2010, a Cornell University study found that the distraction of someone else's cell phone conversation "compromises cognitive performance."

Perhaps you heard the recent news of a theater critic snatching a woman's cell phone away (in use, during a show) and tossing it across the room. We would never advocate that behavior, of course, but we can suggest that you read our list of appropriate times to turn off your cell phone.

And when you're done reading our list, feel free to check out this most amusing guide on cell phone usage and theaters. It will surely make your summer movie-going experiences a little less distracting.